Dear Parents (and caregivers and anyone that’s ever around kids),
When a young child is having a “tantrum,” what’s actually happening (usually) is the tiny human is expressing an emotion the only way it knows how. So your reaction should not be anger and punishment… you don’t want to teach the tiny human that expressing its emotions is a negative thing. Your goal should be to teach it appropriate ways to express itself.
This is the method that worked/works best with my kiddos:
1) STAY CALM. You are the adult. Screaming at the tiny human teaches it to scream at you. Is that what you want? I didn’t think so.
2) Give the tiny human the words. “You are very angry because you can’t have another piece of cake.” ”You feel very sad because you don’t want to leave Grandma’s house.” ”You are very hungry and you’re mad that supper is not ready yet.” ”You feel very jealous because Timmy is getting presents right now and you want some too. It’s very hard to wait for your own birthday.
3) Let the tiny human know you understand. “I understand how you feel. I get <insert emotion> when I can’t have <insert thing they want>, too.”
4) Give the tiny human an appropriate reaction. “When I’m very angry, sometimes I make a mad face, like this. Can you make a mad face?” ”When I’m very sad to leave Grandma’s house, sometimes I make a plan to visit again. Should we check the calendar right now to see when we can come back?” ”Sometimes when I’m very hungry, I ask if I can have a healthy snack while I’m waiting for the food. Should we look in the fridge for some baby carrots or some grapes?”
5) If the tantrum is still happening and you are able to, remove the tiny human from the situation. ”It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to scream at people. If you feel you need to scream, you will need to do it in your bedroom away from the rest of us. I would love to talk to you when you’re done.” Then pick ‘em up, put them in the bedroom, and shut the door gently. DO NOT SLAM THE DOOR, NO MATTER HOW FRUSTRATED YOU ARE. If you slam the door, you’re teaching your child to slam doors. Is that what you want? I didn’t think so.
6) When the tantrum is over, show the tiny human lots of love but do not reward the behavior. ”I’m really happy you’re done yelling. I missed your sweet face! Would you like a hug?” (Many kids, after an outburst, like contact - hugs and cuddles. Some don’t. Always ask first.)
7) Talk about it later. ”Remember when you were really angry about not getting a second piece of cake yesterday? Why do you think I said no? What do you think you should do the next time you’re angry like that?” Then help them brainstorm reasons (so they understand your decisions) and appropriate ways to express emotions. This is something that has to be practiced! ”Next time I’m really mad, I’ll get the mad out by stomping downstairs, like this.” ”Next time I’m really jealous, I’ll think about my favorite toy and how I’ll get to play with it when I get home.”
8) Finally, CHOSE YOUR BATTLES CAREFULLY. It’s totally okay to change your mind about something when a child reacts appropriately. For example, if you said no to a second piece of cake and your child says “Could I have another small piece after I eat supper?” that’s a great reaction. She’s showed she thought about and understood your potential reasoning and demonstrated an appropriate reaction (acceptance followed by a negotiation strategy). However, if you said no to a second piece and your child starts screaming “BUT I WANT ONE!!! I’M HUNGRY!!! TIMMY GOT A SECOND PIECE!! I WANNNNT ONNNNNNNE!!!!!” that’s not an appropriate reaction and you must not reward it by giving in. So, again, chose your battle carefully.
Always, Always, Always remember the lessons you’re trying to teach. If you find yourself getting irrationally angry at the tiny human, walk away for a moment to clear your head. They are tiny little scientists - they learn from observing, making a prediction, testing it out, and analyzing the outcome. THEY ARE WATCHING YOU.
Good luck. :-D
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Their latest video examines how stereotypes constrain all people from the moment they are born.
NOT ENOUGH YES IN THIS GALAXY
Measles has surged back in Europe, while whooping cough is has become a problem here in the U.S.
Childhood immunization rates plummeted in parts of Europe and the U.K. after a 1998 study falsely claimed that the vaccine for measles, mumps and rubella was linked to autism.
That study has since been found to be fraudulent. But fears about vaccine safety have stuck around in Europe and here in the U.S.
NPR maps the resurgence of preventable diseases due to public ignorance and lamentable misinformation about vaccines.
Pair with Bill Gates on vaccines, animated.
this is such bullshit
VACCINATE YOUR FUCKING KIDS
THAT’S A FUCKING STRAIGHT JACKET FOR BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DON’T ADD A LITTLE SMILEY FACE WITH SOME HEARTS AND PUT THE WORD SNUGGLE IN THERE THAT’S HORRIFYING
You guys have clearly never dealt with babies, it’s called swaddling you dumbasses and it helps calm a baby down and it makes it easier for a mother to hold onto/nurse a very fussy baby.
also it makes babies less likely to like poke themselves in their eyes or scratch their faces up with their demon infant nails
seriously, baby nails are incredibly sharp and a baby does not need to claw themselves up
swaddling is an ancient as fuck technique to keep your baby warm, safe, and calm (it simulates being held which helps make babies chill) and this particular invention means swaddling without all the fabric which will help keep babies cooler in warm climates, and also allow for changing diapers and the like without unswaddling them
sit yo asses down and learn to care for a small hairless human
Is your vagina feeling any better yet? (I know that's a pretty creepy question but I really like chatting about vaginas.) (I'm probably kind of invested in the way you're invested in Lena's pooping.)
Most of this is TMI, so click caveat emptor:
Even though I had a last minute c-section, Viva was very nearly born vaginally— I was pushing for about 2 hours and she kept retreating— so I went through about 90% of the trauma I would have endured had she not been cut out of me.
I was terrified of even touching my vulva the few few days. I couldn’t/didn’t want to touch it for weeks after.
Mind, I have always been on exceedingly good terms with my vulva. I was the kid taking out mirrors and staring at age 14, to get to know her.
And after birth, I felt like I didn’t know her at all. And like she (yes, she) was extremely pissed off at me. Like I had to do something to apologize to her for, but I didn’t know how.
She’s back to normal now, but I still would like to get her flowers, you know? So she knows I appreciate what she does for me every day.
It kills me to see parents when I’m out shopping with their little toddlers shouting at them because they let go of their hand. I actually tried something out the other day, just because; I got down on the floor at what would be Turt’s level and put one arm up above my head and held onto a nearby chair who would normally act as the ‘parent’ and held my arm there for as long as I could. It soon seemed that this position wasn’t very comfortable at all. I realised when Turt yanks her hand away from mine when we are out, she isn’t doing it to be disobedient. She’s doing it to try and get some circulation back into her little hand and arm! Also, adults have longer legs so almost EVERY toddler had to run to keep up with parents. I mean, Turt runs literally everywhere whether she’s trying to keep up with me or not but there’s no wonder she wants to stroll off sometimes and do her own thing because she’s trying to find her own pace and maybe CATCH A BREATH?
I just think before we get angry or mad at our children, we need to first understand them. Why are they acting the way they are? Are they tired? What is my child feeling? Y’know?
1. Super valid point.
2. Big fan of these:
I would love some new blogs to follow!!
I’d really like to follow some other tattooed mums or alternative parent blogs…
Anything tattoos, piercings and parenthood…
Like this if you are something like that so i can follow you?? :)
Me too plz help
Tattooed and dyed mom, holla!
Garon Wade and his husband Jamie were prepared for their son in 2012. They were not prepared for what strangers had to say.
- (Cab Driver in Florida directly after getting in) Where’s his mom? (Us) He doesn’t have a mom. (Long Awkward Silence)
- (Cashier at a Surf Shop, see’s just me and my little boy) Oh man, you were given Daddy duty today huh? (Me) It’s Daddy Duty everyday at my house bro. (Confused look)
- Do you think he’ll be more likely to grow up gay? (Me) No. But I’ll love him for whoever he is, so it doesn’t really matter does it?
- (Man on a plane next to me, completely out of nowhere) So did you leave his mom in DC or are you taking the baby to his mom in Florida? (Me) He doesn’t have a mom, he has two Dads. (Complete Silence)
- Are you guys going to tell him he’s adopted one day? (Us) Yea, but I’m pretty sure even if we didn’t, at some point he’d figure that one out right?
- You shouldn’t take babies on planes for the first many months because they get sick right away. (Us). He’s already been on 20 flights. (Silence)
- (Random Guy on the street) Where’s his mom? (Us) She didn’t want him, so I guess that makes us the next best thing.
- (Random Stranger at the grocery store) That baby’s so cute. Does your wife breastfeed? (Me). No he’s got two Dads so we give him formula. (Lady) What??
- (Another Random Lady at the grocery store). That baby is so young. You should NOT be out with him like this at the grocery store! (My husband) Oh I’m sorry are you a pediatrician? (Lady) Excuse me? (Husband) Are you a pediatrician? (Lady) Well, no. (Husband) Then I’m not that interested in what you have to say. My pediatrician said it’s fine to take him out. Have a good one.
- (Yet another Random Stranger) Where’s his mom? (Me) Where’s your mom?
The “Are you a pediatrician?” line is my favorite for shutting unwanted opinions down. :D